I am so freakin’ tired it isn’t even funny. Sad part, I have to be back there tomorrow in eight hours for an eight and a half hour shift. Tonight sucked ass, seriously. The only high point for me was helping Jeremy and his family out. Other than that, it sucked. And the situation with Jeremy sucked too. He ended up spending almost seven hours in Boston because of the storms on the East Coast. I know he is tired too.

I am beginning to wonder if maybe this job is not for me. I have a lot of opinions that differ from nearly everyone else I work with. They may be alcoholics and addicts, but they are people too and it is not fair to dump everyone into a generalized stereotype. There are people that live there that I would trust to watch my kid, that I would trust to be alone with in a dark alley, and that I would trust with my safety. Not everyone there I feel that way about, but it is based on a personal experience with each of them. It is not based on the whole “they are all liars and manipulators and sneaks”. That crap pisses me off and I am really quite about to pop off one of these days if I am caught at the wrong moment. And I will tell you two other things. One is that those addicts, thieves, alcoholics, abusers, manipulators and liars treat me more like an equal than most of that stuff does. They don’t talk down to me, they don’t make me feel like a freak because I read things closely or because I don’t do things right all the time. I would rather hang out with them honestly, at least I feel human!! And the other thing I will tell you is that if I was ever in a treatment program and I had an injury that was not my fault, and I had to be hospitalized for four days because of it, and I was left alone for those four days with barely more than a visit one time, I would sign myself out AMA and hit the streets looking for a high. I would feel deserted and alone and angry. I would not feel strong, supported or cared about. I would feel like “what is the point of trying to get better, no one even cares if I am better or not?” So please stop telling me that I am being manipulated and that people are trying to get their way because I am not stupid, and despite legal standards saying otherwise, I am not blind. I know when I am being duped and I know when someone just needs some love and caring. Lastly, oh great management and fellow staff, let me ask you this because I know you will certainly bring up my inexperience…I might not have as much experience as you do, but perhaps is there a chance that all of your experience has hardened your heart and closed your mind off to the total range of human empathy and compassion?

So anyway, crappy night…but two of my co-workers did some of the nicest things that anyone has ever done for me. Both of them had their night off tonight and both came in to give me a ride home so that I would not have to take a taxi and be on my own. Can you believe that? I think that is just so awesome, I can’t even get into it. It actually made me cry…and homegirl don’t cry that often.

So freakin’ tired. I think I am finally simmered down for the evening. Night to all and have a great day tomorrow!!